Episode 20 | GOD 1st

Episode 20 | GOD 1st Marks a new chapter of Hart 2 Harts.

Welcome and welcome back!  In this episode, Erika speaks openly about spiritual discernment, healing, trauma, rebuilding, faith, emotional warfare, and what it means to return to God fully after seasons of confusion, pain, distraction, and awakening.

Centered around Luke 10:16 through 10:19, this conversation explores authority through Christ, protecting your spirit, confronting darkness honestly, and understanding that not every voice, influence, relationship, or path is aligned with God.

This is not a conversation about perfection.

It is a conversation about truth.

About surrender.

About discernment.

About healing.

And about reclaiming peace through the power and faith of Almighty Jesus.

Hart 2 Harts Podcast
Hosted by Erika M

“Fear is not your identity. Confusion is not your identity. You are not powerless.”

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome back. It's been a minute. Welcome back to Heart to Hearts, guys. It's Erica. And it's now May 27, 2026. I know it's been a long time since I've checked back in. But before we begin, um, I do have some things to disclose to you. And I do this because, well, it's coming from my heart. And I've told you guys in the past, if you haven't listened to some of my episodes, I suggest you do. Um, I think it's about true authenticity and really learning to evolve with as time goes. And who am I to be exempt of that? And in fact, I'm not. And I'm not perfect, and I've never said that I was, but you know, I try to be the best that I can be and the best version of myself in every way that I can, and I fail miserably most of the time. But I also have to pat myself on the back and say, sometimes I take some big risks, and when I do, I take them in the right direction. And one has been to invest in myself. So this episode is to mark the new journey and phase of Heart to Hearts as a podcast, as my podcast, and as a woman, because I am now 55, and I'm no longer a spring chicken, but I'm not an old fart. I'm a wise young Christian woman who has barely started her Christian path, though I can tell you, I've been seeking God since I was 26, when I didn't even have a God, when I had no faith and I did not know where I was going, and thus began the long, painful journey toward where I'm at this very moment. So allow me to say the following because it's necessary. And it's necessary so that you understand what you're getting yourself into for the next maybe 30 to 40 to 50 minutes, depending on how long this goes. But the views and experiences and opinions expressed in this podcast are my own, and they are shared here for conversational, religious, spiritual, and personal reflections. That's it. Nothing more. My podcast includes discussions surrounding faith, healing, trauma, spiritual discernment, cultures, clashes of those cultures, and differences of opinion, relationships, addictions, emotional experience, and personal transformations. And in the end of it all, nothing shared here should be interpreted as medical, legal, or professional advice. The new and improved Heart to Hearts podcast with me shares personal experiences that are faith-based conversations now. They're my opinions and my discussions surrounding healing and Christianity that involves and infuses my day-to-day from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I fall asleep to relationships and my previous addictions that I've, you know, by God's grace have been able to not have. There's, you know, my mental health and my emotional health, the grief I've experienced and the difficulties that is that I've experienced, as you guys can, like I said, I've go back to the episodes. That's some of my episodes contain those topics. Um, and they're sensitive and they can be. So it may be triggering for some people and some of the listeners. So I forewarn you now that this podcast is not, as I mentioned, anything that you should take too lightly, but that takes seriously. Okay. So listener discretion is advised and personal discernment, as always, is encouraged. God first, episode 20. Let's unpack this. Now I have to say, I'm really happy to be back, but I'm also kind of nervous because it's a new take. It's not me just being bold and raw. I'm actually now gonna be quoting some scripture from the Bible, and I'm not a Bible thumper yet, in that way that I mean thumper that I carry my Bible. Yeah. Do I have my Bible open? Yes. Do I read it on a daily? No. Am I trying to? Yes. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. Will I ever be? God knows I won't be. I wasn't made to be. None of us were. But we are living in a time where it's really scary and also very not scary, like fear-based, scary, but like when we absorb the negative, it's hard to discern because we have our own agenda, our own personal stories. And now we're adding the world to it. And that is heavy when we talk about pedophiles and we talk about the Epstein files and we talk about what's going on in our city or our backyard or in our own homes. When we've been afflicted with pain andor addictions that don't rest or leave us alone, they're demonic. And when I use the word demon, I don't want you to go, oh my God, she's so religious. I am religious. Today I don't say I'm spiritual. I say this and I stand on it. I am a Christian woman, fully evangelical Christian. And I may have said that funny, but it's true. And part of what I am is why I think I've struggled so hard because I haven't been living in God's commandments. I have been a passive hypocritical Christian. I have, to this day, I still curse, and I'm trying very hard to let that go. Sometimes I need to. And I say this because it's natural people go, oh, that's not a big deal. We don't have to be perfect. But it's not that. It's that I don't want to have to be that way. I don't want to be angry enough to curse. I don't want to feel those things. And if I feel them, I want to take a different path. That is what it means. It's not to re achieve this enlightened enlightenment that, you know, again, and I'm going to go and touch on this a little bit because it's important. Some, and I have not disclosed this before, I used to be a tarot reader and I was encouraged to become a tarot reader for the last five, eight years, mostly in the last five years, I had a lot of people around me who are no longer around me, who encouraged me to go and take this path. Oh, yeah, you should read. You should make money from it. Everything about it always felt wrong. I enjoyed reading tarot cards. I enjoyed using my own gifts towards that. The tarot cards weren't even necessary. They just became a part of my, I guess, my inner dialogue, if you will. And I thought to myself, well, gosh, you know, if I'm allowed to do this, I must be okay, right? God gave it to me. It's God, it's what they say in Spanish, undon, a gift. Um, and it's something people have taken now and watered it and made it so ugly. And I feel like it's tarot everywhere podcasts claiming to have the word of God and yet speaking the word of the devil. And when I say this, I don't mean that they knowingly know it. Some do, obviously. Others don't. And when they call themselves white witches versus black witches, there is no such thing as that. When you dabble in the occult, if you're using the occult, no matter what tool you use, if it's in the intention of that divining, you are already walking the wrong path. So I say this not to scare you, but to scare you. You need to put it down. If you want to live in God's light and his word, it's in the it's it's there in the Bible. And I'm not gonna start quoting, not yet, not yet, but I will, the parts and where they are. But I will show them to you and speak them out loud. And I will make examples. I will use my testimony still. I will counter backward and tell you about my story, like I said, about the tarot cards and how that afflicted my life and how that never helped me. How all it did was keep me in a constant loop, seeking the same answers for the same things, be it romance, be it work, be it finance, be it my family, be it my own just personal whatever, or for clients, which I didn't really have. I had people, friends that came to me. Some weren't clients, some weren't. And it wasn't even very long that I did because when I did charge, it was got a handful of people. I didn't even like charging. And I felt wrong. It was just felt wrong to me to monetize on something that was literally just a business and transactional, but that I was claiming was spiritual. So that all said, no, no qualms to people still doing it. This is to have discernment and open your eyes. This is so that you can sit back and ask yourself, are you lying to yourself? If everything in your life is perfect and humming along and you never have a roadblock that you never seek God for, hey, knocking on wood right now, you may not hear that, but good for you. Keep on keeping on. And that's exactly what most people do. But if that isn't you, and you're like me, who's been afflicted since the day she was born, and I do believe it's because, and you can go back in my episodes, generational curses that you inherit, inherit inherently by default. You're not asking for it, you're given it by default. You are born into a woman's body who's probably contaminated. By that I mean not that she's an evil woman, but maybe the spawn that you are is from evil. Maybe you become a product of rape and you were born and kept. Maybe you're a product of addiction and were born not wanting to be born, but by mistake, and then they kept you, and then what have you. Fill in the blanks. You get where I'm going with that. All I'm saying is that it manifests in a way into our lives in very big ways, and it doesn't start just in adulthood or teenagehood. And yeah, people do have those stories and testimonies that they were nice and great children, and all of a sudden they became a demonic psychopath serial killer. Or did they? Or was it always there, dormant, just waiting? Because the devil can be very patient sometimes. You know, it can it can be patient in the way that it's construing its story around your life, about your choices. And I can show you my example because that's the only way I think it's gonna be taught. At a very young age, as I've mentioned, if you've listened, I was afflicted with a lot of things. Um, I was afflicted by my own brother who attempted to rape me at, I want to say 11, but again, I don't know if it was 11 or 12 or 10 and a half. I I know it was when it was, and I I don't remember the exact age, but it was around then. And now with everything that's coming up in the media around all these pedophiles and these incessual SAs that happen around um fathers, brothers, uncles, friends of family, uh priests, teachers, neighbors, babysitters, women and men, by the way, that doesn't give it an excuse. It's disgusting, even more disgusting and vile and more evil. And that is the devil. And if you haven't repented and you haven't taken accountability, I feel very sorry for you. Because even though the outcome of your circumstance may weigh in your mind as, oh, I don't want to go to jail. The jail that awaits you beyond your lack of repentance is one that I would never have on my head. Somewhere along the way, um, it triggered me. I know it's easy to get triggered, but it's been triggering me because it's constantly in the media and I'm constantly looking. So it felt very real to me and very new and fresh to me. And I kept getting angry on a daily basis. Um, a lot of people don't know this, but I've been sober and I'm going back and forth. So excuse me if this is rambled. I think you can follow along. There's no script here. I try to follow an outline. I try to be as real and as authentic and pure with you as I possibly can to share my testimony because it is necessary to be real and not scripted. And I get some sources from, you know, research and due diligence. And I may not get it right. So if I don't, please don't chastise me. You're not here because you want to do that. If you are, you're here because you're just part of the path of the darkness. And then you should just go. We don't need you here. I'm here to hopefully transform some of you and save some of you onto the narrow path that you're on and climb on board with me because I have completely, as of May 17th, gone sober. That means I've relinquished smoking weed and vapes that had that. And that was the hardest, most difficult decision I had to come to and realization of acceptance that I was being a spiritual hypocrite. A religious Christian does not do that. A religious Christian does not smoke weed and then claim the word of God is really kind of the opposite, if you will. But we tell ourselves that. We fool ourselves into thinking, oh, this is okay. I can masturbate, I can watch a little porn, I can have non-marital sex on the side with my girlfriends or my boyfriend. What does God have to say about that? Oh, I can sleep with a man that's married. Yeah. Okay. You keep telling yourself that. And you think you're going, where? So I had to really look at all that and ask myself, where all this came from? Where was it born? How was I allowing this? When was I told this was okay? Where? Who told me that? So I started to look around myself. I started to look at my friends, I started to look at my circles, I started to look at what I did in my daily from the moment that I woke up to the moment that I sat down. And it became very evident to me that I was a hypocrite. And so I say that not like a light thing. It's just it's about awakening. It's about healing, it's about recognizing spiritual warfare, even in the slightest ways. And I'll make examples of that. It's about understanding that not every voice speaking into our lives was sent by God. Discernment, guys. Some were actually just distractions to get us off the path. And they've worked up until, well, until they didn't. And for me, it was just recently again. Now I keep having many awakenings around my biggest awakening because that's what we call this an awakening, a Christ awakening. It isn't what I used to think it was, which was like the dark night of the soul, which I guess could be called that. I don't know. I haven't looked into it too deeply. I went through that big time when I started to break open to Christ's light. And I mean really break open. I lost everything I loved, everyone I loved. I lost my son. I lost material wealth. I lost my career. I lost friends, I lost lifelong friends, and I thought I'd never lose in my life. But thank you, God, that you removed them from my path because all they did was keep me oppressed. May they not be condemned for it, but they walk their own paths and their own hypocrisy. Let them. I'm not here to judge them, but I'm no longer part of that path. So I move remove myself and ask God to show me. And that again, discernment, spiritual discernment. So some of these people come in as distractions, some are tests, big ones, some small, and some are just assignments meant to break us on purpose so that we can wake up. And the deeper that I learned and leaned into Christ, the more I realized something. And that for me, losses were power that I didn't even know that could exist in loss. It's when you know who stands with you. And it's knowing who stood with me and who didn't when they said they did. Because proof is in the pudding, babies. If when you are down, no one is there, those are not your friends and never were. If they're capable of never saying, I'm sorry, forgive me and repent, they were never holy or Christian-like. And I repeat that because I have to tell myself that. And some may say, Oh, well, you didn't apologize to me. Well, yeah, I've tried, or maybe I you didn't see it, or maybe you were just too blind to understand it. But I literally believe that in my heart of hearts, I have gone through so much that I have proven myself over and over again. And now that sounds righteous. I don't know. Maybe there's more, and maybe I will, and I don't know. Probably. I'm sure there's tons more I haven't done. Like I need to repair, but in God's time. Now listen, I'm not a scripture reader, but I'm going to say scripture in these podcasts. So if that bothers you, you may want to check out. I'm not here to impose my Christianity on you. You obviously came to this by chance. No, nothing's by chance. You're listening on purpose, whether it be attraction, distraction, hating me, wanting to prove me wrong, wanting to laugh at me. Go right ahead. It doesn't bother me. It never will. You could laugh at me in the streets. I could care less. With God in my pocket and me in his, there is nothing that stops me. No one that will silence me or shut me up. No, no one has authority. No one because I haven't given them authority anymore. I took it back. Don't fear. It says that everywhere in the Bible. And know that I am God. It's be still and know that I am God, but he also repeats fear, I don't know how many milli hundreds of times, not having it. Because fear is the key that unlocks the door to the demon and the demons and the devil and his world. That's what they use to lock you in, to reshape you, to guide you away, to make you trip and fall long enough to forget. Do you know who that is? Is that you? It was me. It doesn't say that I'm I'm exempt of it. I've got to put the armor of God on me every single day, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. And when I go to sleep, I'm not done. I have to repent, observe my day. All this also, by the way, boils back down to how divinely written AA's 12 steps are. And if you haven't and you don't need them, I've always said this and I will reiterate this: the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are divinely written. And they literally have the path is to take you to Christ. Sorry, a lot of people object to that in AA. I'm not objecting to it, and I'm gonna state it as it is. So, like I mentioned, scripture will be read not often, but sometimes. I get that fear comes in many forms. A loss of power is one. But like I said, when you know who stands with you, that is the almighty power, the omnipotence of God.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

He is the authority in my life, and with him, he gives me the authority.

SPEAKER_00 18:27

And with that, I have no weakness, no confusion. And if I do, it's temporary. I'm not defeated, I'm uplifted. You see the difference? So authority over the power of the enemy. That is what Christ gives us. And this podcast is entering in a different season, a more honest one, if you can believe that, a more grounded one, a more spiritually aligned one through faith, through discernment, through truths, through healing. Because once you've healed, you're no longer reopening your wounds. You've healed. And so many people get stuck in that, in that one place where they can't get out of, where they're always healing. Have you heard that person? Oh, yeah. And they're the constant martyr or the constant victim. And they never get on to moving on. And then they use their healing to procure transactional-based situations that are not godlike. And when I say that, I don't mean you should not allowed to make money. God, that's not the point. If you hear that, then you're not hearing my message. Listen, this is a more honest one, this is a more grounded one, this is a spiritually aligned one for me through faith, through discernment, through truth, through healing, and through the power and faith of Almighty Jesus. Because this is heart to hearts. This is what truly I set out to do a year ago. And I did by giving my testimonies, and they're all there, all 19 of them. Go have a field day. All I'm saying is episode 20 is called God First for a Reason. And I hope that by now you understand where I'm going with this all. This may be a shorter version of what I normally put out, but it's important enough for me to say this so that you know going forward that the testimonies that you will hear, be it from me or from others, will be pointed. And they will be pointed so that you can understand that maybe you can relate, maybe you won't. Or maybe you could just grow with me as a human and see me evolve as you've seen for the last year for a few of you. I know a lot of people don't hit subscribe and don't hit share and don't hit like. Some people do, but I would love and encourage you to, just so that the word can get back out there. And if God wills it, then so be it. Here I am, and I will do this no matter what. And I don't make a dollar or cent out of doing this. The investments I make are all for God. That's it. My job is to send out his message, but I can't do that if I'm not living it. So it's no wonder that it took 19 episodes to get me to this one. And God will reveal more to me, because that's how it is, and I'm not giving up five minutes before his miracles. And that is what's true for me. In this, I want to pray a little bit, but I also want to mention something that's really powerful that stood out to me when I was reading the Bible. And it is one. It is Luke 10, 16 through 1019. And it states, Whoever listens to you, listens to me. Whoever rejects you, rejects me. But whoever rejects me rejects him who sent him me. The 72 returned with joy and said, Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name. And he replied, I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy. Nothing will harm you. Everyone, take that with a grain of salt or hold it in your soul and know that. You are covered by the blood of Jesus if you so want it to be. You need to repent if you have to go get delivered. I'm on my path and finding the right church and finding my community and finding the right people to surround me. Because as a result of this new path and me taking upon myself to say no more to smoking, one of my dearest, most closest friends who walks a spiritual path, but is walking, in my opinion, a self-righteous path towards doom. She's a medium, and I don't judge her. I know her heart is pure in that she wants to be a good person and she does. She is a good person. She's lost like I was. And we had so many debates back and forth in the last few days after telling her. It was instant, though. Her reaction was instant to show me how yoga isn't demonic. By the way, yoga is demonic. Any idolatry, any worship of anything is not of God. Any practice that's a yoga pose that you don't even know that you're doing is demonic. Why? Because it is infused with Hindu idolatry, where they worship gods, not Jesus, gods. So, yes, it's demonic. Color it blue, color it purple, color it yellow. It is what it is. And that's the raw truth of this episode is that I can no longer lie to myself or the people around me. And if you know me, you know I hold my tongue as best I can. But when it comes to standing up for Christ, forget about it. When it comes to standing up for my conviction, I am not your friend. I am a spiritual warrior. I am on the path to save souls as much as my own because I want to see us all win. I want to have faith in humanity again. I want to know that not every man is disgusting and evil and a pedophile. And by the way, it is so rampant. You need to look in your own home. If your child has said something to you and you just passed it over, you need to stop doing that. And you need to ask God for discernment. And if you have no God, you need to ask something to help you or someone to have discernment. Because no child should be left in that circumstance because you're ignorant. I have family members who've done that. I've seen it. I've witnessed this with my own mother when she told me you probably asked for it. Who says that to their own daughter when she reveals that her oldest brother tried to rape her at 11?

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Sit with that for a second. Yeah, I want you to sit with that for a second.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Because it's real. At 11, I was woken up by a naked brother who I trusted, who just an hour ago was laughing with me with an erection to try and pry my legs open. That's graphic. Because it's real. Just like the babies that are being raped by men. Don't bury your head in the sand not to hear.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Don't close your eyes. That is not the way.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

To get to the other side of healing, you have to face your demons and you have to literally be honest with yourself. Am I acting out in lust? Am I in my addiction? Am I acting in anger? Am I being a hypocrite spiritually toward God in Christ? Am I practicing dabbling in tarot still, even though I say I'm a Christian? Am I still smoking weed and drinking on weekends and having extracurricular sexual activities with my boyfriend without marriage? Now I know that people are gonna say, oh, Erica, we all have lust and we all have this. I don't. I have been celibate this August, three years solid. I have not been on a date for over two, almost three years, almost nearly the same. Very close. I have literally pulled back because A, I was too broken. I had nothing to offer. In my eyes on the outside, people thought I had it together, or mostly, or maybe not. Who knows? Maybe I'm delusional. But for the most part, for the last 10 years, straight, if not more, my whole life, I should say, but that I noticed 100% spiritually that I was being attacked and had spiritual warfare over my life and even spells I've I've actually had to unbreak and clean myself from some of these things that people have put on me. Other evil people, putting you in a jar and a freezer spell, a glamour spell, a health spell. In 24, nearly after I literally in 23, when I was being spiritually attacked in every area of my life. When I say that, I mean every area of my life was being taken down upon me in such a way that I was, I was just devastated. And it started around 22, but in 23, it was like nothing stopped it. In 22, I lost people. In 23, everything started to crumble and I kept losing people. Thank you, God. I want to say thank you. I want to thank my God, Jesus, for protecting me from those that I did not know were causing me harm because what he did for me was he pulled back the veil. He pulled back the curtain to my life. I thought a friend of 40, 30 years was going to be honest and loyal. No, all those feelings I had when she was conveniently calling me when she needed someone was always just convenient. It wasn't love. When I wasn't invited certain places, it wasn't because I wasn't in town. It was on purpose. And I would brush over it like it wasn't a big deal. Now, granted, this is one person I'm talking about, and she knows who she is. Her name starts with a T, but her name really begins with an A and another A, but I won't go there. And I saw that lifestyle as something I wanted, and I'm so glad I don't have it. I am so glad I'm not her. I'm so glad that I did stay and continue to reap nothing from that relationship other than oppression, even if it wasn't intended to be that way most of the time. It was. And I see it so clearly now. I see it so clearly.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

I wish her the best. But if I'm not being I don't want to be mean. Let's just say golden cages. Well, that's exactly what they are. I'm so grateful that I didn't get that life.

SPEAKER_00 28:44

Because in a loveless marriage, that was never faithful, in my opinion. And I say that because I know a lot. And a child that's the the epitome of social media, whatever, I'm not gonna go there. That part is going to stay and remain where it is. But a brat is a brat is a brat, and it reminds me a lot of Mackenzie Sherilla, whatever her name is, Sherilla. And we all know who she is. But when daughters can act like that and be hypocrites and allowed to speak to your parents in certain ways and allowed to demand things and be 20 years old and never have worked or earned a dollar in their lives. And even if they don't smoke or drink, think that they're holier than thou and righteous and better than you, that doesn't make them better. That doesn't make them good kids when they're talking back and with their no respect. No, thank you. I'll keep that somewhere else. And yeah, I have a son who I raised properly and who I literally raised properly. Did I do it perfectly? No. But thank God I didn't have the means to spoil him in that way. I did it in other ways. But I taught him discernment and I taught him and I fought for him to work and I fought for things that I wanted him to have and be good when he went out into the world because I was both a mother and a father. So we have roles to play in our lives that we're responsible for. And when our children are learned by us, they end up like Mackenzie Sherilla in jail, in prison, thinking that what they did was not a big deal. And they could smoke around it, have sex around it, be passed around in jail around it, and you know, create free Mackenzie pages on it when we all know the truth and see it. And that is a sad case to say, but I had to mention that because it's true. We walk around here. I walk in in Manhattan Beach and other beach cities that I live very close by, and I see these privileged lives. And I realize, wow, how many of these people are lost, and how many of those people have been people I know and people I've coerced with in the ways that, you know, we go out, we have fun, we do this, we do that. And I no longer do that. You have to change your entire life if you want this path. And I'm not saying that lightly, and I'm not saying that all of you are even gonna try to do it because most of you can't. You don't have that in you. You don't even have the desire to change. But if you're here, you're listening for a reason and it's because you want something more, and you maybe want to heal. And maybe you want to see your stuff. Maybe you don't. Maybe you're gonna curse me out and tell me, How dare you? And who do you think you are? I don't care. Do it. I don't care. I'm gonna speak on it anyway. There are a lot of injustices that go unspoken in this world, and I'm not gonna hide behind your veils anymore. Nor am I going to excuse when I'm wrong. I will take accountability. And if you know me, I've always done that. I am not one to sit back and go, I am so proud of that I will never say I'm sorry. No, in fact, I've said sorry too many times in too many ways that I didn't even need to. Why this shift is happening is because I'm pulled away from distractions. Because I feel another awakening that has come upon me. And realizing that not every influence in friendship and relationship and practice or environment was aligned with God. That's the bottom line truth. That doesn't make them horrible people, it just makes them the wrong people for me. Because it's affected my life and kept me oppressed. And people will do that and they'll say it is in the name of love or because I love you, or I'm just kidding, or I'm just joking. All that is false, by the way. That's not love. That's ego. That's power, lack of power, and trying to control you in very manipulative, covert ways and sometimes obvious ways. Use discernment, guys. Over the last few years, I've had to do this for myself, and it's been a season of heck and hell. I say heck and then I say hell. It's not, it's not a season that I wish to go through and relive again. But here I am. I'm confronted with more darkness and I'm confronted with confusion. And I'm like, God, I thought this was it. I thought I was doing the right thing. And then you took something else away from me. And you took and you plucked another dear friend out of my life. I prayed that she hear this and I prayed that she come back because I love you. I do, I really do. You know who you are. And um, I'm not here to judge anyone, like I mentioned. But a lot of the spiritual warfare that is going is disguised as normalcy, like tarot cards, like mediumship, like sitting down with a witch and having a conversation. You're accessing a cult world's darkness. You are opening portals just like music, just like movies, just like social media, just like Chat GPT, if you don't know. And I'll prove that in another episode because I have been on a path with Chat GPT when I have conversations and I go back and I tell it, wow, you are a saboteur. You are completely mis, you are steering my conversation and my answers when I ask for proof of this or proof of that. It gives me such and I already have the answer and I'm testing it. Guys, if you're allowing your child to just use AI just without discernment, or you are and you're not using your own discernment because you're lazy, then you get what you get. You're being steered into information that you haven't once cross-checked, much less thought it was wrong. How many of you have done that? I have in the very beginning, and then I learned very fast. That was over a year ago, and I've never looked back since. I know what it's about and I know what's used for. Now, does this mean that you can never sin again or that you won't? Of course not. You're human, having a spiritual experience. We are here for a purpose to go back to God. We are his lamb. We are his children. I am a prodigy and I am a direct result of this life, this human life. But I am God's daughter, and I'm returning to that with my heart pure. So that if any day he comes down and takes me or doesn't, I've done my best and I hope he knows that. And I pray that I continue on my path as a sober woman, as a Christian woman, no longer living in darkness and hypocrisies or oppressions that others put on me based on their own needs andor fantasies. I no longer will entertain the man that wastes my time in a second because he decides to go on an app and says, oh, hey, give me your number. Let's exchange. No, no, no, no, thank you. I deny access to all my past exes, to every single one. Yes, there's one I really would love to save. And I sent him stuff because he's so in the dark. And I believe that we met for a reason. I hope you're listening to this. And if you do come across this, I pray that you repent and you give up your addictions and start trying something new. I pray for you a lot. This will not be an easy path, to say the least, for a lot of us. Um, understanding your fear tactics and the manipulation and the confusion and the temptations, your ego, the addictions, the validation seeking, lust, pride. All of that creates chaos, internally, externally, and it never comes out good. Ever. I am and have become more protective, as shall many, over my peace, my mind and my spirit and my energy. I'm learning the discipline and obedience to God that I've never learned before. I thought celibacy was a big step into that. I didn't even realize I was doing until I did. And that was years ago, and it was purposefully done. I listened to God's word inside of me. And I so have had a lot of contradictions towards that. And sometimes I ask myself, how much was I listening if I was smoking weed? I couldn't listen to the word of God. Now that I'm not, it's loud and clear. Again, I'm learning the discipline and obedience to God through celibacy, through healing, rebuilding, and having clarity over things that I thought I had clarity over in a way that I hadn't. So I'm understanding God's authority through Christ, his son, instead of my fears and my delusional environment and people that I have allowed in my life. There comes a point, I think, for all of us where we're surviving isn't enough anymore. And, you know, you hear that term, are you thriving or are you surviving? Well, I'm not a coach and I'm not your spiritual coach, but I can be your spiritual, religious Christian friend. What we are all seeking, I believe, is we want alignment and we want truth. At least I do. And we want peace. That peace that we see in others that actually come from God, not temporary escapes. And you've heard me say this time and time again that discernment, a spiritual warfare. You know, the topics that I touch on, it's discernment is not paranoia. You know, discernment is investigating. It's like a PI into your own life going, hey, does this work for me? Why was that said? Why did this feel funny? I always taught my son, if it feels wrong, it's wrong. Step back, take a moment, pause. Don't condemn, don't judge, just wait. But when you are clear, you march in there with your sword because iron sharpens iron.

SPEAKER_01 38:11

Use God as your iron. Listen, you may say, Erica, um not everything looks that looks spiritual is holy.

SPEAKER_00 38:28

And I'm gonna agree with you. We have the Catholic Church behind that, we have priests who do unthinkable things to children, and it goes unhidden or unspoken of. Um, I haven't even touched on Islam yet, but I will in another episode. I can't get into that. It's too heavy for me right now. But um, that to me is completely and purely demonic. The spiritual confusion that is going on today in modern culture is developed by man, it is created through the media. I want to say this if I can recall how I heard it. It's tell a vision. What does that mean?

SPEAKER_01 39:05

Tell a vision. Tell a vision. Think about that.

SPEAKER_00 39:12

There's other examples that I'll have to remember, but I can't pull them up right now that are actually genius. Oh, spelling, spell work, spell, everything that has some kind of connotation toward that is driven for us. And I gotta, you know what? I'm gonna pause and look at that for a second. Hold on. Okay, okay, I'm back. Thank you for that. Um let's see, let's see, let's see. Here we are, here we are. Now I said some Christians and spiritual commentators discuss modern words as symbolic or etymological, hidden meanings. I'm reading this, by the way. Many of these are interpretations rather than accepted linguistic facts. Common examples you may be thinking of, and that's television, uh, vision being side, interpreted as seeing, and then broadcast. That was the one. Um, broadcast. It's like broadcasting. Um, some people compare media and the influence to planting seeds, and that's exactly what I'm telling you. This media conglomerate, these evil entities that are on the top of this, oh my God, this evil that's going down and just tearing the world apart by dividing us into two, into three, into four, into many, into scavengers of of darkness, I should say, um, is called programming. And welcome to your nightly programming. Sound familiar? Um, we do these things on televisions, on computers, and like I said, as a Christian, metaphorically, it's mind conditioning. Like I said, spelling, the idea, the word casts spells. So linguistically, think about it, spell. And spelling comes from the old English related to telling, speaking, not occult magic in the modern sense, but casting as in casting a spell, in my opinion. It's discussed, I know. People say that it's in, you know, oh, that's overreaching, you're being a little crazy. No, I'm really not. If you look around you, it's in movies, it's in everything. They even hide it on children's clothing. If you look deep and you're really on this path, you will find the evidence. They have brainwashed society to be desensitized, demoralized, where we can walk over homeless people without thinking or turn a corner and not ever call anyone for help. It's like the devastation of seeing someone homeless. We go, oh, they deserve it, they did to themselves. Maybe. Who knows? I'm just saying, in the sense that since I was a little girl, I used to cry when I would see things like that. I didn't understand it why I would cry. My mom would laugh, oh, Erica, stop. I would just start crying because it hurt me to see people in pain. I am a super empath. If you don't know that, you should go back into my episodes. I am a super empath. I have the gift of knowing. I don't want it, but it's uh let me take that back out. Forgive me and just knock on wood if you can't hear that. I want it. I love it. It's but I had clouded it my whole life with either, okay, let's start with the truth here. Yes, I drank. I didn't drink because I was a drinker. I was I was given that at a very young age so that they could take advantage of me. A lot like when people get drugged and raped and wake up going, I don't know what happened to me. I cannot tell you how that was my life. And then how men have literally used me like that. And it wasn't every man, but enough. And I would come out thinking it was my fault. How was it my fault when I was 11? How? What is it when someone's telling you, oh, if they're touching you on your top, it's okay because it's your father? How? I've heard these things. It's disgusting. Who tells people these things? Who makes it okay? A lot of you women, I'm disgusted with you. Where's your where's your tenacity towards protecting your children? Because you're a martyr, because you've been born into it, because you've become that victim that you said you wouldn't be, because you were abused, because you were S8, and why should you have to? Well, that is your child, and I would fight tooth and nail to that. Last my last breath for my son, even though he's broken my heart.

SPEAKER_01 43:37

Would I stand behind my son if he raped someone? Absolutely not. That would be the death of him to me. It would be done. So when people ask me, where's your forgiveness?

SPEAKER_00 43:50

I'm like, I forgive them. But I want them not, I want nothing to do with them. I love my ex best friend. I love my friend that I just fought with. I will always love and be there for them. But they were not there for me. Well, the last friend I just was, she was she's been there for me through all of it. And I love you for that. And I always will. But baby, we can't lie to ourselves, even if we love someone, we have to be able and willing to let them go. And why? Because nothing comes between me and Christ ever again. And I'm gonna start crying. Oh my god, I did not see that coming. I have the conviction in my soul that I will never allow another person or thing to come between me and God again. And with that, I'm gonna start crying. And I don't want to at all, but I want to show you that it's real, man. It's real. This is this isn't a small little unpacking of where this podcast is going. It's going into testimonies, it's going into helping and hoping that I do get to do that. Acts of service. Um, most people want to show them. I don't know why I'm jumping into that, but I just felt like this is my my podcast is an act of service towards God. It's no longer about Erica. I didn't, I didn't know that I was doing that a year ago. I thought I was, and maybe I was doing it in the right way. I don't know. I was thinking I'm helping women, right? But am I? I'm gonna leave my 19 episodes up, even though I've asked, you know, I'm having a conversation um with God and saying, oh, by the way, that brings up another topic. The book Conversation with God, don't even. And why do I say that? Not because I don't want you to have a conversation with God. God forgive me. That's not what I'm saying. Nor do I feel, like I said before, that all these things are demonic in the way that person's evil. Some people just don't know what they don't know. Like me. I didn't know reading conversations with God was not good. But anything that deters me from knowing the truth about Christ, the way it's authentically written, is not God. It's a human interpretation of it. Now, what does that mean? Why am I bringing this book up?

SPEAKER_01 45:59

Well, New Age. New age, New Age.

SPEAKER_00 46:06

That's not in the Bible. That is not what Christ said. There is no Christ consciousness. You are conscious of Christ, but it's Christ, it's Christianity. He didn't write anything about Christ consciousness. Now people are gonna argue and say, but what do you mean you're being so contradictory? Uh, well, we'll talk about it. Come back on the next episode. I'll have more for you. I hope this entices you enough to come back. I hope that you can sit down and say, you know what? Maybe she has a point. Maybe I need to listen more. Maybe I need to understand that, you know, darkness and light coexist. And that if I deny that, then I'm just as ignorant. And that if I am an atheist and I think I'm clear, well, you're just as doomed. Sorry, baby. I do believe there's an afterlife. I don't believe in a lot of things I used to believe in. I don't follow a guru because that guru still worshipped Christ consciousness through idolatry and Hinduism and things that do not align with me, like yoga and science. Those are not in the Bible. And those lead me away from Christ, not toward Christ. And I don't need a middle person or middle ground to access God. I only access God through Jesus. That's it. It's plain as day. Pick up a Bible. I am, for the first time in my life, I'm actually reading it. And I find more than not that it's it's so right there. I never used to understand it until now. And I, it's like the veils have been pulled from my eyes and I can read it, and my heart has been opened. The last door, the last key, I found it, and it was opened. And I go, oh my gosh, there's more. There's always gonna be more, I think. Because as I read, I find more. As I understand, I realize there's so much more depth to this. And the proof and the evidence is there. Not through dreams and tarot cards, and and I won't say dreams are wrong. I'm just saying that some people count on their dreams to tell them, well, no, I count on Christ. And if Christ wants to come to me in a dream, then so be that. I have to follow his ruling and his way here forward. I want to read something because it's important to me to close out on something spiritual, as I will from now on. I hope you can bury me. Um, I don't know exactly where I put it, so you'll have to bear with me. But let's, this is where I highlighted. He said, the way of the cross, it's Mark 34. Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciple and said, Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it. But whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in the adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his father's glory with the holy angels. And he said to them, Truly I tell you, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see that the kingdom of God has come with power. Wow. I leave you with that. I want to thank you so much for joining me for what it's worth. I mentioned that things are changing. I hope you realize that. In a positive way, it is. You'll see a new image, you'll see a new story, you'll see a new subtext, you'll see everything that's kind of brand spanking new. I hope it brings you in. I hope it brings my my followers, my friends, my Christian friends, and even the non-believers. I'm here with you. I am not judging you. I hold your hand. Have discernment. Open your eyes, stand true to you, and you'll find it. In God's word only, God first. God bless you, and I'll see you next time. Have a wonderful night, day, afternoon. I love you because you're worth it.